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A Hymn of Hamas and Human Shields

Submitted by Edward on Wed, 11/22/2023 - 02:09

 "You know all those foreign policy decisions I've made in the past? Well, I'm going to keep doing them. America is #1." - Joe Biden, urgently updating the public with a hastily written Washington Post editorial

    HUMAN SHIELDS! HUMAN SHIELDS! Yes, all you mass media mongrels: YOU know what's about to be covered here! How could you not? After all, an involuntary eye-twitch in the direction of ANY major newspaper or frivolous tabloid (honestly, what's the difference??) will be more than enough to be fully informed on today's subject. Here's how it goes: Hamas - those naughty little rascals - are currently hiding out in the Gaza strip right now, and are using helpless marionettes known as "Palestinians" as HUMAN SHIELDS, the bloody cowards. And since the Israelis - basking in the glow of divine sainthood and unlimited US military support (honestly, what's the difference??) - are in the unfortunate position of having to eradicate every last morsel of spiteful evil that roams the Holy Land (ah, the torment of responsibility!), these HUMAN SHIELDS have no choice but to face merciless extermination. And this is why Gaza resembles the contents of an ashtray - and the death toll is in the thousands - and why leaders in the West feel a tad uneasy about the whole thing.

"SO! What to do about this awkward situation?" you are asking yourself if you are any of the following: a) politician; b) newspaper editor; c) "intellectual;" or d) restless citizen with a few hours to kill and a few bucks to spend on some news subscription (you sorry sop, you!)

Not to fear! For we here in the West have an age-old tradition that really helps with those unwanted feelings of hypocrisy that gently rap the area in our frontal cortex where "Morality" is stored.

Western bigwigs and their loyal subjects have mastered the following art of self-imposed psychological comfort: make up a nice story that absolves us of all responsibility. All it takes is endless repetition, a few ounces of conformity, and the sheer willpower to believe (always in ample abundance amongst the denizens that brought us Christianity): and before you know it, Israel is simply doing it's solemn duty while those filthy flea-bitten terrorists hide like rats in their underground hospital tunnels while the HUMAN SHIELDS get shredded into pig slop. Of course, it never did take much to soothe the conscience of a Westerner (as this narrative so amply demonstrates), so one must not get too worked up over these kinds of things. (Remember Colin Powell at the UN? Remember the glass vial full of "chemicals?" Remember how that massive room full of dignitaries and distinguished guests sat in stunned silence, and nary a grin could be seen amongst those gathered? THOSE are your leaders, fellow citizens!)

      With this fun loving story firmly implanted into the Western psyche - except for those DAMNED KIDS AND THEIR TIK TOK - it is time we adapt to this new reality in the most mature and responsible way possible.

For one: there are no Palestinians. From now on, they will be designated, at best, as HUMAN SHIELDS. The rest: terrorists!

Two: HUMAN SHIELDS must die: all for the greater good of a better future, a better tomorrow, and a Free Israel (some editors even throw in a Free Palestine; those are the ones feeling a particularly acute dose of shame. I doubt they'll make it another week). Terrorists are, naturally, "excluded from humanity," in the words of Yuval Noah Harrari (author of "Why Humans Are So Great," "Humans Are So Advanced And Beyond War," and "Humans Are Destined To Live Eternally.")

Three, and most importantly: it is abundantly clear that not a single leader in the West cares about the Palestinians. Forget your "human rights" and "two-state solution" and "humanitarian aid to Gaza" and whatever else these perverts blither. Never forget: when times got tough for the Palestinians, we here in the democracies shrugged, printed "HUMAN SHIELD" twelve billion times, and said it was all for the greater good.

   God, what a culture! The next time you hear ANY of these scoundrels mention "human rights" and "rule of law" (or most egregiously: "wars having rules…" I'm looking at YOU, Justin!), give them a swift jab in the abdomen, followed by a curt knee to the chin once they've doubled over. Tell them it's a gift from good ol` Ed Earnest!

 

illustration from pixabay

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