You are here

Home » Blogs » Edward's blog

BREAKING: FROSTY RELATIONSHIPS THAW IN STEAMING-HOT FAMILY TRAGEDY

Submitted by Edward on Mon, 02/05/2024 - 18:00

“The frosty relationship between Prince Harry and King Charles may be beginning to thaw after the cancer diagnoses.” - CBC News

 

Yes, fellow royal subjects: You know where your tax dollars are going right this instant, don’t you? Right to us here at Correct Beyond Criticism News and our official “Royal Family Coverage Live,” where we have some breaking news to share with all you troglodytes holed up in your living rooms staring deeply into the shimmering plasma screens, which we thank you desperately for because at this rate who knows how long we can keep this up? Whatever you do, please: Do not move.

Let’s cut to the chase: A couple of snoops on our payroll have confirmed that Prince Harry is visiting his dear-old Dad after the old chap was stricken with that dreaded disease known as “cancer.” Harry, no doubt, wants to make sure everything is okay and that this isn’t genetically inherited - and who can blame him? Royalty shouldn’t be subject to the same rampant cell-replication that the rest of us are. What gives? It’s the 21st century, dammit, and our elites are still victims of neoplasms?

Harry and “King Chuck,” as you all know from our constant repetition, have had a rough ride lately. Here’s a quick recap: November 14th 2020 - racist remarks at the Queen’s Gala (may she Rest In Peace, bless her) about Meagan’s racial background, which we dare not utter here. And imagine the infamous Christmas dinner of ‘22, when His Majesty shouts over a fresh bowl of beans and mash “My son and some half-breed, marching through those solid oak doors that were my fathers and his fathers before him!” And Harry, just losing it, saying “Croinky, Pa! I won’t ‘ave you slanderin’ me wife like tha’ roight `ere in front of me kids!” Charles tries to get up and swat the youngster upside the forehead but falls back in his throne exhausted. This may have been when the cancer got a hold of him, and if Harry had taken one for King and Country, we wouldn’t be here reading about it in the first place.

Now, at last, tensions are no longer at a roiling boil - an enormous relief. Not even the Royals can resist getting together to soothe frayed nerves when cancer, or “The Terror of the 21st Century,” strikes at the patriarch of the family - not to mention the nation-state itself. Just think if Charlie next develops a suspicious lump: Then it’ll be a full-blown nation-wide spectacle, with visitors from across the world welcomed in to pay their respects to their tortured king . We here at Canada’s Bleating Convocation will be the first to let all you citizens of this former constitutional monarchy know exactly what the folks up in Buckingham are up to! This has been Lotta Drivel for CBC News, live from Coronation Street.

vote: 

Comments

I don't care much about the royal family, but I appreciate the CBC. Whereas its mandate has always been to provide programming to remote regions of Canada and to promote and encourage Canadian content, the one and only goal of most other media outlets is to make money for their shareholders. CBC radio provides commercial-free broadcasts of programming that is much more satisfying intellectually than its MSM counterparts. As well, Canadian broadcasting content is a major contributing factor in maintaining a 'Canadian identity', and is different from and far superior to the pap and pablum served up by for-profit stations.
vote: 

Paul Robertson (not verified)

Wed, 03/13/2024 - 02:49

But of course: Intellectual satisfaction! Who doesn’t like a well-fed and satiated mental organ, after all? And there is nothing like CBC Radio’s stellar programming to provide some of that desperately needed nutrition! Take today’s broadcast of The World Tonight, March 12th 2024: We’ve got the gripping story of the US promising to build a Gaza dock (and just in the nick of time, too!). Without skipping a beat, an update that Ukraine is getting more military aid. Gee, who didn’t see that coming? Then there’s the raging debate over whether Joe Biden is a crotchety old gaffer or not - a gripping topic, if you suffer from deafblindness. Follow all that American coverage with, finally, a truly Made In Canada story: Wildfires caused by climate change. Wow - three months of cutting this schlock out of my life, and CBC still has nothing new to talk about! But we’re not done with formulaic mass media coverage: CBC continues to cover that unsolvable mystery named “inflation,” complete with Peter Armstrong and Susan Boner’s banter (Don’t you just love the two of them desperately trying to pretend they haven’t rehearsed their little chat 154 times beforehand?). Finally, we end our nourishing indulgence with three extremely stimulating pieces to titillate the brainwaves: The price of bananas (wow!); doping cases in curling; and herring spawning. That’s right - herring spawning. Mmmmm! So rich! So tasty! Boy, it feels great being an “educated citizen,” don’t it? Of course, I could get all this from any other outlet - but you’re absolutely right, Mark: There is a certain “Canadian Identity” to CBC that Global and CTV just can’t match. (Probably because of all those cuts and layoffs, right? Damn corporations!) CBC has this particular sappiness and unoriginality that only a True Canadian Product could replicate. I mean, is it really Canadian if it’s not some cheap knock-off of US culture? CBC certainly serves it up far better than the - uh - “for-profit” stations. Thank goodness CBC is above and beyond such a shady business strategy as profit maximization. Hopefully, the taxpayer will always be there to bail out the CBC as it continues to lose 125 million dollars a year struggling to compete in a ferocious media market.
vote: 

Paul, any day's news broadcast will include stories 'just as gripping, timely and unforseen' as the stories you give as examples to make your point. As for Joe Biden's age - or Don Trump's for that matter - that is irrelevant. What really matters is competence. That is what you should be judging those candidates on. No, let me change that. Not judging, but rather, assessing. Assessing competence or incompetence, rather than innocence or guilt. (Yes there are situations which call for an evaluation of culpability, but this is about ageism.) Moving on: No one should expect a newscast called "The World Tonight" to always lead with a Canadian story. I don't get a CBC TV signal, but I do get the local CTV station unless the weather's really bad. (That's my biggest media-related concern, but my gripe is with the CRTC, not the CBC. I used to get four local channels, which provided me with more diversity in news coverage, entertainment, diversion and mesmerization than I personally need or want. But I digress.) So I'm unfamiliar with Peter and Susan's banter, but I'm sure it can't be much different than the stream of babbling and occasional cackling that are a feature of CTV's "Your Morning" broadcast, which I occasionally watch, waiting for a few snippets of news or the first installment of a weather report to interrupt the fun. But that 'fun' is what the average viewer is there for. You make the point (obliquely) that CBC finances are mismanaged (although "continues to lose 125 million dollars a year" is an exaggeration and a misrepresentation - until now it only happened in 2023). I won't disagree that better fiscal management is required, but that's not the same as eliminating the CBC completely. "I mean, is it really Canadian if it’s not some cheap knock-off of US culture?" This question deserves a lengthy response all by itself, but I'll try to be fairly brief. French as an official language is not a 'knock off' of U.S. culture, but, obviously, of French culture. Canadians are, on average, much less obsessed with firearms than our American neighbours, and religious and multicultural tolerance in Canada are certainly not knock-offs of American culture (though Bubba has an increasing and disturbing influence up here, most notably in Alberta). Reach For The Top is not a cheap knock-off of U.S. culture, but a Canadian game show. Sure, game shows, and television itself, first appeared in the U.S., but that doesn't mean anything. The show is not a cheap knock-off but an imaginative, original, Canadian implementation of the concept of game shows. Insulin was a Canadian discovery. Now Big Pharma in the U.S. is producing 'cheap' knock-offs. Margaret Atwood, Leonard Cohen, the Group of Seven and Farley Mowat are just four random examples of of thousands of Canadian cultural icons that are not knock-offs of U.S. or any other culture. I guess my point regarding culture is, whether you appreciate diversity or see only sameness is entirely up to you.
vote: 

Season 12? That can't be right. The show was being broadcast when I was in high school way back in the 20th century, hosted by none other than Alex Trebek himself. Anyway, much as I enjoy a good trivia challenge, in 2011 the CRTC made it impossible for me to watch any of the CBC TV programming I'm helping to pay for without paying Bell Media or some other media giant cable- or satellite- TV provider for the privilege.
vote: 

Add new comment