Presidential hopeful Donald Trump revealed yesterday morning, via 'X' (the platform formerly known as Twitter) that he has a plan to deal with the issue of illegal immigrants and refugees entering the U.S. across its southern border. He laid out the details in a series of tweets.
The plan seemingly involves allowing private citizens to 'sponsor' illegal immigrants, who would otherwise be deported to their countries of origin in South and Central America at the expense of the United States, according to a spokesperson in Trump's campaign office.
Instead, sponsorships of the 'illegals' would be auctioned off to the highest bidder. Successful bidders would assume full control of the sponsored immigrants' lives, and could utilize them in any manner they saw fit, without restrictions.
When asked if his plan wasn't just legalized slavery, Trump replied, "Of course not. The slaves were from Africa. And they were black. This is totally different. These people are mostly brown, they come from Mexico and all of those other shithole countries south of us, and they're not even real people. They're almost all rapists and murderers, anyway, except maybe the children who haven't been trained yet, so they should consider themselves lucky to be sponsored. They'll be a lot better off than they were in those countries they're coming from, and the own- that is, the sponsors - will benefit too. My plan is a very good plan. It's a great plan. No one ever had a plan as good as this in the history of the whole planet. This will make America great again!"
Trump's supporters almost drowned out his comments with their chants of "Chain them up! Chain them up!"
Here in Canada, we asked federal party leaders to comment on Trump's plan.
When told about it, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre proclaimed, "This is another glaring example of Justin Trudeau's incompetence! Trudeau has long known what we can expect from Donald Trump," he pointed out. "If he had any common sense he would have had a plan to deal with this, instead of wasting his time and your money on raising the price of absolutely everything by about fifty percent or more, through his April Fools Carbon Tax!"
We also reached Justin Trudeau and asked him to comment on Trump's plan. Here's what he said:
"Canada has no say in any decisions made by the United States. If, however, ah, some of the sponsored people somehow find their own way to Canada, we wouldn't recognize their American sponsorship agreements. We would welcome the sponsorees with open arms; especially the healthcare workers, and other professional people; but even non-professionals who aspire to join the middle class would be welcome, as long as they know enough English or French to ask in one of our official languages, "Do you want fries with that?" or, "Voulez-vous des frites avec ça?" And we'd be willing to pay them double what they were getting as sla - ah, sponsorees in the States."
We reached out to New Democratic leader Jagmeet Singh who, as of press time, was unavailable. Speculation in his constituency office was that he was still trying to figure out what Trudeau had just said.
Green Party co-leader Elizabeth May was on her way to an Easter Sunday church service when we called. She spoke briefly, saying only "Oh, my God! Is this a joke?"
(image by Cristian Ferronato on Pixabay)
Add new comment