My Foray Into The Audacious

The latest development in the Israel-Palestine conflict has been nothing short of momentous: a shocking eye-opener that hits you harder than a dose of hot coffee in the wee hours of the weekday morning. Of course, there's nothing new in the actual conflict itself. (A brief update for the uninitiated: since the creation of the State of Israel in 1948, the entire region has been a ticking time bomb to nuclear Armageddon - which, interestingly enough, some people actually want to happen; strictly for religious purposes, you understand). No, what has been absolutely astounding is the mass media coverage. Clearly, we've stumbled upon a brand new development in the history of human communications; historians and communications experts everywhere are, hopefully, recording this remarkable feat and writing all the articles and books they can to solidify its place for future generations to ponder. You see, the mass media has reached new heights in reporting absolutely nothing substantial whatsoever. When it comes to completely wasting time, this latest disaster is a goldmine waiting to be harvested by media giants everywhere. Journalists are giddy with the increased employment opportunities. Opinion columnists - right and left - are salivating at the sheer amount of content they can manufacture to fill in the airwaves and newspaper columns. CEOs of legacy media are ecstatic at the thought of how long this will drag out. And of course the international experts and university profs are having their moment in the spotlight, receding hairlines and balding heads gleaming in the dim light of their offices as they angle their laptop camera upwards so everyone can see the inside of their nose, headphone dangling from one ear, repeating the same tired analysis over and over (which, incidentally, is the same as mine above, but lacking any of my dynamism).

 After a week's worth of expert analysis and political punditry, I'm confident I've become extremely educated in the Israel/Palestine conflict. Let me share some of the insights I've picked up on, and hopefully enlighten the reader as much as I have been personally. "What Hamas did is pure evil." Thanks for the constant reminder: I didn't think I could come to that conclusion on my own after a full-scale massacre of innocent civilians.  "Israel has the right to defend itself." Why do I need to be told this? I jolly well expect the IDF to break a few bones after this little security breach. Why the moralizing? "So many innocents have been killed." I'm flabbergasted. Innocent civilians in both Israel and Gaza being slaughtered in one of the most tumultuous and unstable regions on the planet? How insightful. Can you imagine wringing out a whole week's worth of content out of this? Mass media: constantly at the forefront of innovation! Nothing makes me want to subscribe to the NYT more than hearing such nuanced and virgin analysis from the gatekeepers of information dissemination. 

 Now, if you think the experts are done dissecting the complexity of this devastating dilemma, you are sadly mistaken. Just yesterday, one could turn on the television and catch this fascinating spectacle: "How is it possible to evacuate 1 million people?" a bleary-eyed reporter asks, feigned concern dripping from his mouth and onto his immaculate microphone. Let me, someone who has never set foot in the region, answer that for you, courageous and concerned reporter: You can't. Or how about this one: "The invasion of Gaza will be long and brutal," a military analysts sternly lectures into the camera, eyebrows raised and jowls quivering with unsuppressed fury. Let me, the diametrical opposite of a military expert, add to this insightful comment: What else is new? You need to hand it to these guys: they sure know how to milk a catastrophe for all it's worth. A week's worth of content: all from this completely predictable and foreseeable situation. I need to retire my dish-apron and scrubbing brush and exchange it for a journalist's recording device - or maybe a fancy suit and slick table with a camera swivelling around my head. Who would've thought that television held such opportunities! 

 Put aside the media analysis. Here's one word to describe the Israel/Palestine conflict, without the need of any expert input whatsoever: "more." It's really that simple. Instead of wasting away this finite existence listening to some journalist explaining that he's surrounded by death and destruction, or some IDF spokesperson that Israel is doing everything it can to help Palestinians, or live coverage of some rally in support of a Palestinian state, just take this one word - "more" - and rest easy knowing the entire geopolitical situation can be described so simply and concisely by an intelligent, generous, compassionate person like myself. Oh, and one more bit of advice: eradicate the News from your life. You'll be much happier, and you'll live longer, too! 

(Image by Alexa from Pixabay)